Friday, May 19, 2006

Leader's Insight: The L-Laws of L-Leadership
Leadership for the rest of us.
by Angie Ward, columnist

Throughout my years as a ministry leader, I've had the opportunity to enlist dozens of volunteers for the Kingdom's work through my church. And every time—whether it's a prospective youth volunteer, small-group facilitator, or clean-up crew member—I hear the same response: "But I'm not a leader!"

This response is usually coupled with some other explanation as to why they don't consider themselves leadership material: "I don't know anything about teenagers!" "I'm not an extrovert!" "I've never done this before!" and other "Send Aaron instead!" responses.

Long ago, I gave up trying to convince them otherwise. Instead, I just tell them that it'll be easy, because they only have two main responsibilities:

1. Love people.
2. Think like a leader.

For the hesitant and the nervous, I call them the L-Laws of L-Leadership. And when I break it down into those two simple principles, it's amazing to watch a person's guard come down as their enthusiasm goes up.

Read more at CT Leadership Journal
Sex & the City of God
How do we respond to a corrupted culture? Two faulty examples and a better one.
by Mark Buchanan

Over the next year, Leadership, along with sister publications Christianity Today and Books & Culture, will feature articles that explore the relationship between church and culture, specifically the question: How can the church be a counterculture for the common good? This effort, funded in part by the Pew Charitable Trust, is called The Christian Vision Project. Mark Buchanan provides the first article in this series.

Jonah is my favorite prophet, and for no better reason than our uncanny resemblance. I'm bald and I figure him bald—why else his emotional tumult over how shade-dappled or sun-scorched his head? I'm short and I imagine him short: a stumpy, wiry guy, all that peevishness compacted tight as a nail bomb. He loved comfort and resented interruption, and that runs pretty close to my own bias. He was possessive, evasive, defensive, obsessive. Things not unknown to me.

Jonah is my least favorite prophet, and for exactly the same reason. He reminds me too much of me. I long to be Daniel-like in wisdom, Isaiah-like in righteousness, Ezekiel-like in faithfulness. I want the courage of Elijah, the endurance of Jeremiah, the long-view of Zechariah. I dream of standing down kings and outrunning horses, commanding drought and deluge with a word, calling down woe like thunderbolts and blessing like manna.

But I'm plagued with Jonah-likeness.


Read more at CT Leadership

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Heard and Not Seen

Q: How do you address issues of stage presence without seeming as though you are more concerned about appearances than authentic worship?

A: The worship leader exists to support the function of worship and guide the worship team. We need to teach our worship teams how to encourage the congregation to worship. Stage presence during worship is an important part of that. There are three core areas when teaching stage presence.

1. Clarify the worship team's purpose. We need to be clear about the purpose of our lead worshipers in congregational worship. Our role is to connect the congregation to God, then stay out of their way. Your church's philosophy of ministry, including the role of worship, should be taught and reinforced at every worship team meeting, rehearsal, prayer, before and between services. Constant, gentle, clear reminders are necessary to keep the team on track. It's not something that can be communicated and established in a single one-time meeting.

2. Eliminate distractions. There are countless distractions that can occur onstage. Inappropriate movement is distracting. The best policy for movement is to move only as needed. Nervous movement is also distracting, so you should address the actual causes. Try to eliminate movement that doesn't fit the setting, and coordinate all movements.

Rehearse entrances and exits. Make sure people know when and how to walk on/off, as well as where to go and how to get there. You may even put tape on the stage to mark team members' spots when there are many changes.

For churches that broadcast or tape the service, the director/producer needs to visualize movement and instruct everyone. No one on stage should ever cross a camera angle, such as behind the pastor.

Personal appearance can be a distraction. Every member of the worship team should be putting the focus on God. The worship team should appear as an ensemble; attention should not be drawn to any individual.

Lack of confidence can also be distracting. This can spring from several causes, including being unprepared, lacking skill, or being afraid of being in front of people. Singers and musicians must know their words and learn their music. Songs not well rehearsed are uncomfortable to sing and a hindrance to team members trying to lead the congregation.

3. Be authentic. Emotion is a powerful communicator, and forced emotion is a powerful detractor. Ask the worship team to think about their relationship with God and let the music filter through that. Ask them, "How has God changed your life? What does this message mean to you?"

As opposed to performing a song, we need to make the song a vehicle for people in the congregation to express their personal relationships with God. Think about those who are receiving the message and how important it is that they understand that God loves them, that the Holy Spirit can change their lives, and, most importantly, that he is worthy of worship.

Christ's presence in someone's life will be their greatest treasure; nothing else compares to that. An effective worship leader spends more time worshiping off the stage than on it.

Rick Muchow is worship pastor at Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California.

Copyright © 2006 by the author or Christianity Today International/Leadership Journal.

http://www.christianitytoday.com/le/2006/001/16.75.html

Friday, May 05, 2006

The Nearly Wed's Fight Club


"For our next session I'd like you to come with something to fight about. I won' t take sides. I just like to watch people talk, and then I'll offer some feedback."

That usually gets the couple's attention. It makes for lively, interesting premarital counseling. It's also effective.

I have been doing this "come-and-have-a-fight" technique for seven years. It started when I moved to a new pastorate on the coast of Maine. Our picturesque, high-steepled church sits on the village green. It's the focal point of our town. Locals drive by every day, and vacationers pass by on their way to the beach. Through the years many young women have apparently said to themselves, "When I get married, I want it to be in that church." So, we do a lot of weddings, 40 to 70 each year.

I don't want to be a pastor-for-hire. It's important that I minister to each couple before performing their wedding ceremony. In my last parish, a small country church, I did far fewer weddings, four to eight a year. I would meet with each couple for five or six counseling sessions prior to their wedding. I would toss out topics over the weeks, hoping to hit on something I could help with.

"Have you talked about children?"

"Will you both work outside the home?"

"Have you come up with a workable budget?"

"How do you handle differences?"

"How were anger, affection, and gender roles handled in your families growing up?"

The most meaningful sessions were when the couple disagreed on something and started talking about it with each other in front of me. I got to see a slice of their relationship and could offer them some feedback and coaching. Best of all, it felt like ministry—pastoral counseling even!

Now I simply do not have time to toss out topic after topic. How a couple fights tells me how they will handle most of the problems of married life. So I decided to cut to the chase, or should I say, the fight.

I now do three sessions with each couple I marry. The first is to get to know them, learn their story, and share our wedding-planning notebook; the second, to watch them fight; and, a third session to plan the ceremony (assuming the fight goes okay). I have done this with approximately 200 couples, and I'm not bored with it yet. Couples often tell me that they find it helpful.

Ready to rumble

Here's how a typical fight session goes: I ask the couple if they have something to "discuss." It could be an issue between the two of them, or I suggest they could each come with one thing they would like to discuss with their partner in my presence.

Usually they laugh a little nervously and say, "Well, one thing." Occasionally a couple objects. "We don't have anything to fight about." These couples worry me most.

"Isn't there something you could tweak a little in your relationship?" I'll say. "Or, if you could ask one thing of your partner that would make your relationship a bit better, what might it be?" If they're still resistant, I gently say, "Tell me about your style of handling differences. When you do have talks that get off the track, even just a bit, what happens?" One of them usually jumps in at that point, and we're off.

I always ask couples to turn their chairs toward each other, so they are sitting face to face. I sit in a third chair, centered approximately five feet away. If they have something good to discuss, they usually forget I am in the room after about a minute. This is especially true if I avoid looking directly at them.

This sounds strange, but it works. I look down at the floor between them. For some reason this puts couples at ease. They are not as nervous as they would be if I were looking right at them. Occasionally I glance up to observe body posture and nonverbal communication, but usually I look into the area between them or down at my notepad, where I take a few notes for feedback time.

On my notepad I chart some of the crucial exchanges, key sentences, or phrases ("I don't see why you had to buy that!"). Then I jot down the response, either the exact words or things like "defensive response," or "apology," or "counter attack" ("You buy a lot more things than I do!"). I keep a list of positive and negative things that I see and may wish to share at the end.

Some couples take my invitation to fight quite literally. They let it all hang out: anger, put-downs, defensiveness, and shouts of frustration ("I can't believe you're saying that!").

The one who brought up the issue goes first. If they have trouble getting started, I tell them, "Pretend you're around a kitchen table, and you've just said to your partner, 'I'd like to discuss something with you.' Take it from there."

I pay close attention to how the talk begins. Researcher John Gottman, who studies couples' communication, reports that discussions usually end the way they began. If couples get off to a good start, without personal attacks, accusations, or put-downs, they usually end the conversation feeling closer together. Gottman calls this avoiding a "harsh start-up."

If I see a harsh start-up, I do not interrupt. In fact, I try not to jump in at all until discussion has come to a natural conclusion or a dead end. Often partners will get defensive, interrupt each other, or tell each other they're just plain wrong. They go back and forth. And I, like a spectator at a tennis match, watch as each side tries to score points and hit winners.

When to break it up

Often the talk is a rehash of a dead-end argument they've already had. When they run out of gas, I ask if they feel they have made any progress. Usually the answer is "No, this is where we're stuck."

At that point I use one of two interventions.

1. The Banner Technique. This is designed to move couples to the feeling level and to promote empathy between them. I ask each of them to picture themselves making a banner with a slogan that expresses how they feel about the issue. It also might state their bottom line position. Their banners might say things like, "I feel left out" or "It's our money now, isn't it?"

This exercise clarifies succinctly what they are asking of their partner. It can also be helpful for the combatants to guess what is on the other's banner: "What I think yours says is, 'Don't forget me!'"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once they have come up with their slogans, I ask them to respond to each other's banners. This is a critical moment.

Do they respond defensively or empathetically? Does he say, "I'm sorry I left you out of that decision. I can see how that would hurt"? Does she say, "We agreed that I would handle all the finances!"?

The goal is to hear them respond to each other in a gentle, understanding, and empathetic way. When this happens it is magical and grace-filled.

2. The Expresser-Listener Technique. The idea here is to go one at a time. Again, the person who brought the issue goes first. That one is the Expresser and the other becomes the Listener.

The Expresser's job is to "speak the truth in love," to state his or her side of things clearly but respectfully. I urge them to say it so that it lands between them and not in the other's mid-section.

The job of the Listener is to say, "Tell me more. Is there more?" This person is to avoid offering rebuttal (until later), ask only neutral, clarifying questions, and keep saying, "Tell me more."

Once there is no more, I ask the Listener to respond empathetically. I say, "Is there anything there you can agree with, validate, or affirm?" Often the Expresser has done such a nice job expressing the issues without personal attacks that the Listener naturally responds empathetically.

Scoring the match

Once I have tried an intervention or two and watched them try it, I again say to them, "How are you feeling now?" Most of the time they feel better because they have been heard by their partner. Often the answer is in their body language. Are they leaning back exasperated or with arms crossed in frustration? Or are they open and leaning in toward each other?

Before we close the session, I share with them a few of the things I've jotted down. It is important to affirm them in as many ways as I can. My goal is not to make them feel bad about their communication.

On the contrary, I want them to feel good about the skills they have and the ways their love for each other shows through, even when they disagree.

I always affirm evidences of their kindness and respect for each other, and what Gottman calls "repair attempts." These are things one partner does in the midst of the discussion to soothe the other—a touch, a smile, an apology, or a light-hearted joke. Repair attempts keep the fight from escalating and remind the couple of their love and affection for each other.

When I do offer some coaching, I want to keep it balanced. If I urge one partner to try and do something a little differently, I always balance it with something for the other one to keep in mind.

I affirm them for having the courage to let me see inside their relationship, for trusting each other and me enough to do that.

There are a number of advantages to my planned-fight technique. For me, it saves time. For the couple, it gives them a safe place to address a big issue, if they choose. It's honest. Several weddings have been wisely postponed or called off based on this session.

And the couple gets a taste of marriage counseling, taking some of the fear out of it should they need it later, after they've gone a few years and a few rounds.

Rich Knight is pastor of First Parish Church in York, Maine. Rich@firstparishyork.org

Copyright © 2002 by the author or Christianity Today International/Leadership Journal.
Dan Brown's Gift to the Church

Rather than ignore or boycott The Da Vinci Code, Christians now have a great opportunity to share their faith—and to sharpen their own beliefs in the process.


By Dr. Jim Garlow
| posted 04/25/2006

When I first heard about The Da Vinci Code a few years ago, I figured nobody would believe author Dan Brown's ridiculous claims—including the allegation that Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene and that they had a child. After all, I thought, it's just a novel. Pure fiction.

I was wrong.

The book has gone on to sell over 40 million copies, and is now poised to release as a major motion picture on May 19. And many people do believe the story; a recent poll showed that 17 percent of Canadians and 13 percent of Americans think its claims are true.

So, how should Christians respond to all of this, especially as the movie brings the Code to the fore of the cultural conversation?

Read more at Christianity Today


The Da Vinci Code

Decoding The Da Vinci Code
This special section from Christian History & Biography includes a wide range of articles that dispute the alleged "facts" of Dan Brown's popular piece of fiction.
from Christian History & Biography

Dan Brown's Gift to the Church
Rather than ignore or boycott The Da Vinci Code, Christians now have a great opportunity to share their faith—and to sharpen their own beliefs in the process.
by Dr. Jim Garlow | posted 04/25/06

The Da Vinci Code
Review Coming May 19
Murder in the Louvre. Clues in Da Vinci's paintings. A religious mystery. Will the film, directed by Ron Howard and starring Tom Hanks, be faithful to the book? Read our review on May 19, when it opens in theaters.
The Da Vinci Blog
THE DA VINCI BLOG
Dan Brown Encourages Debate
But Da Vinci Code author says it's not his responsibility to clear up any controversy. Plus: Da Vinci sequel slated for '07; new book uses Da Vinci for evangelism; Catholics unfazed by Brown's claims; and more.
by Josh Hurst | posted 05/01/06

Other Articles

Down with Da Vinci!
I can't think of a better way to respond to the upcoming movie, The Da Vinci Code, than with mass boycotts, angry protests, and noisy picket lines. That is, unless I hear some better ideas…

Breaking the Da Vinci Code
REVIEW
Breaking the Da Vinci Code
A handful of books have come along to debunk Dan Brown's best-selling fictional novel (did we say fictional?). Now here comes an insightful documentary to do the same—and it does so quite well.
by Angie Ward | posted 05/31/05

Not Rated
3.5 Stars


Da Vinci Himself
Cracking the Code
So the divine Jesus and infallible Word emerged out of a fourth-century power-play? Get real.
by Collin Hansen | updated 04/26/06


Editor's Bookshelf: Da Vinci Dissenters
Four books try to break, crack, or decode the deception.
from Christianity Today | posted 06/15/04

Thanks, Da Vinci Code
The book sends us back to Christianity's "founding fathers"—and the Bible we share with them.
from Christianity Today | posted 11/14/03

Why the 'Lost Gospels' Lost Out
Recent gadfly theories about church council conspiracies that manipulated the New Testament into existence are bad—really bad—history.
from Christianity Today | posted 05/21/04

The Da Vinci Rejects
What other publishers could have done to respond to Dan Brown's bestseller. A parody.
from Christianity Today | posted 06/16/04

The Da Vinci Code, Corrected
Why the "lost gospels" were really lost
from Christian History & Biography

Speaking in Code
A roundup of the many anti-Da Vinci Code books from Christian publishers.
from Christianity Today | posted 06/16/04

The Good News of Da Vinci
How a ludicrous book can become an opportunity to engage the culture.
from Christianity Today | posted 01/05/04

A Hammer Struck at Heresy
What exactly happened at the famous Council of Nicea, when the Roman emperor convened some 250 quarreling Christian bishops?
from Christian History & Biography | posted 07/01/96

Christian History & Biography Issue 85: Debating Jesus' Divinity
The Council of Nicaea and its bitter aftermath.
from Christian History & Biography


http://www.christianitytoday.com/movies/special/davincicode.html

Decoding The Da Vinci Code

The Da Vinci Code

I guess Christians should be flattered. Who knew the Council of Nicea and Mary Magdalene could be this hot? Thanks in large measure to Dan Brown's fictional thriller The DaVinci Code, early church history just can't stay out of the news.

If only a more worthy work could have prompted such attention. Brown first grabbed the headlines and prime-time TV in 2003 with his theory that Jesus married Mary Magdalene. But The DaVinci Code contains many more (equally dubious) claims about Christianity's historic origins and theological development. It's left to the reader whether these theories belong to Brown's imagination or the skeleton of "facts" that supports the book.

Brown claims "almost everything our fathers taught us about Christ is false." Why? Because of a single meeting of bishops in 325, at the city of Nicea in modern-day Turkey. There, Brown argues, church leaders who wanted to consolidate their power base (he calls this, anachronistically, "the Vatican," or "the Roman Catholic church") created a divine Christ and an infallible Scripture—both novelties that had never before existed among Christians.

Christian History and Christianity Today magazines have covered the subject widely, and we've compiled the articles below.

Christian History & Biography Issue 85: Debating Jesus' Divinity
The Council of Nicaea and its bitter aftermath.

Editor's Bookshelf: Da Vinci Dissenters
Four books try to break, crack, or decode the deception.

Speaking in Code
A roundup of the many anti-Da Vinci Code books from Christian publishers.

The Da Vinci Rejects
What other Christian publishers could have done to respond to Dan Brown's bestseller.

Why the 'Lost Gospels' Lost Out
Recent gadfly theories about church council conspiracies that manipulated the New Testament into existence are bad—really bad—history.

The Da Vinci Code, Corrected
Why the "lost gospels" were really lost

Thanks, Da Vinci Code
The book sends us back to Christianity's "founding fathers"—and the Bible we share with them.

Breaking The Da Vinci Code
So the divine Jesus and infallible Word emerged out of a fourth-century power-play? Get real.

The Good News of Da Vinci
How a ludicrous book can become an opportunity to engage the culture.

A Hammer Struck at Heresy
What exactly happened at the famous Council of Nicea, when the Roman emperor convened some 250 quarreling Christian bishops?

Christian History
Readers respond to The Da Vinci Code

Film Forum: Talking About Revolutions
What religious critics are saying about The Matrix Revolutions, The Revolution Will Not Be Televised, Elf, Brother Bear, The Human Stain, In the Cut, Shattered Glass, Mystic River, Radio, Veronica Guerin, and the upcoming Return of the King, and Da Vinci Code films.

Film Forum: Critics Rocked by Jack Black, Gored by Tarantino
Religious press critics attend The School of Rock, Kill Bill—Vol. 1, Out of Time, The Station Agent, and Wonderland. More reviews arrive for Luther, Secondhand Lions, and Matchstick Men. Plus: More Passion debate, farewells for Elia Kazan, a report from the Chicago Film Festival, and director Ron Howard takes on the heresy-laced Da Vinci Code.


WEBLOGS
On the following articles, you'll have to scroll down to find the Da Vinci items:

Weblog: Will Iraq Turn to Shari'ah?
Plus: More on Kelley, The Passion, Da Vinci Code, Billy Graham plans revival in Missouri, and articles from online source around the world.

Weblog: Time Goes Gnostic
Plus: Christmas, Carl Henry, more Gnostics, and other articles from online sources around the world.

Weblog: Newsweek Goes to Sunday School
And learns about all the women in the Bible, who have been there for millennia.

Weblog: Marriage Amendment Introduced in Senate
Plus: Graham Staines murderers appeal, Christians like gambling, but not psychics, and Homer Simpson ministry.

Weblog: Bethlehem Prepares for Dour Christmas
Plus: Tons more on Christmas, the lies of Da Vinci, State Department's religious freedom report, Christian video games, and hundreds of stories from online sources around the world.

Weblog: Catholics Boot Episcopal Ceremony Over Presiding Bishop's Pro-Homosexuality Comments
Plus: Hiding gay bishops under poetry readings, Christianity vs. Islam, and other stories from online sources around the world.


http://www.christianitytoday.com/history/special/davincicode.html