The Modern 23rd Psalm

The TV is my Shepherd, I shall not want.
It maketh me to lie down on the sofa.
It leadeth me away from the scriptures.
It destroyeth my soul.

It leadeth me in the paths of immorality,
For the sponsors' sake.
Yea, though I walk in the shadow of my Christian duties,
There will be no interruptions,
For the handheld TV is with me.
Its cable or wireless controls,
They comfort me.

It prepareth a commercial before me,
In the presence of my carnality.
It anointeth my head with humanism.
My coveting runneth over.

Surely laziness and ignorance shall follow me,
All the days of my life,
And I shall dwell in the house of TV forever.

-Author Unknown