10 Ways to Get Your Wife to Trust You

Two brothers live at home with their parents. Don, 17, has a strict curfew. Dan, 16, is never told when to come home. The difference is trust.

Mom and dad know Dan will be home around 10:00. If he’s going to be late, he always calls. But Don never lets them know what he’s up to and he’s lied consistently for years.

For all his openness and detailed communication, Dan feels free as a bird. Don, however, even though he keeps many secrets, always resents what he experiences as a short leash.

Marriage is a similar dance of trust and credibility. Partners who demand “freedom” and push the limits to see how tethered they really are never experience the sense of liberty experienced by those who respect their spouse, keep no secrets, and keep one-another informed about everything.

Non sequitur? Not really. Trust is a sticky issue, but it’s an irreplaceable element if relationships are to experience the kind of freedom and confidence that can only be grounded in mutual respect.

Here are 10 ways to foster trust with your wife:


1. Be consistent: that means take the guesswork out. It can take literally years of confidence-inspiring husbanding to make up for one breach of trust. Make sure trust never has to be an issue in the first place.

Read more at AllProDad

Did the Spirit Really Say...?

God's will is harder and easier to discern than we imagine.

 

 It's not that I should ignore the wisdom that comes through experience, the church, or Scripture. But more important, it seems, is a willingness to put wisdom, wealth, strength, and honor on the line if I believe that, maybe just maybe, the Spirit is leading me to do so.

 

Read more at ChristianityToday

Ground Zero, 9/11: Rudy’s finest hour

Aside from the two towering infernos, our collective memory of 9/11 is that of Mayor Rudy Giuliani arriving at the scene with his staff -- his hair, face, and shoulders covered with fine dust from the crumbled concrete of the mightiest symbols of the American century.

In leading his city back on its feet, Rudy Giuliani stood taller than the two towers that were there no more.

Read more at Business World

Financial Lessons From A 20 Year Old

There is a 20 year old entrepreneur I am familiar with who, at his young age, has reaped marketing awards and has closed thousand-dollar deals with medium-scale enterprises in his community. At his age, he not only enjoys the comforts of independence, but he also enjoys a debt-free existence.

In the course of my conversation with the young entrepreneur, I learned a few things from him. I’m sharing this with you, because I believe that you may be able to benefit from his methods, and improve your own personal financial habits.

Here are five habits I observed from him:

1. He saves HALF of his salary. Granted, his salary is twice the salary of mid-level managers in his community, but the fact remains that he SAVES it. Sure, he treats himself to creature comforts like designer clothes, but he also makes sure that he has his limits. The pace at which he saves money can easily allow him to invest a significant amount with top notch investment brokers. Doing so can help increase his net worth faster.

 Read more at My Financial Objectives

10 Things to Teach Your Kids About Failure

1. Not Everybody Gets A Trophy
   Somewhere along the line we became a society that preached instant gratification. Like a giant carnival, our slogan became “everybody wins all the time.” We know it’s not true. It’s also a terrible example to set. Losing is every bit as important in human growth as winning. Rewarding your child for doing nothing will teach him just that. Nothing.
   
2. Everyone Has Different Talents
   Maybe your daughter wants to be the next Carrie Underwood. Then you hear her sing. Your son wants to be Evan Longoria. He can’t hit the ball off a tee. There are just some things we aren’t cut out for. It’s best to learn that at an early age. The good news is that they are a champion at something. Guide them towards where their gifts lie.
   
3. Have Class
   What is one of the most flattering descriptions a person can hear? “He sure has a lot of class.” “She sure was a great sport about it.” Are you teaching your children how to fail with dignity? How a person accepts failure is an easy indicator of the character within. It also almost guarantees future success. Respect is gained outwardly and inwardly. Coach Dungy is prime example of “class.”

Read more at AllProDad

10 Ways Nerdy Dads Are Kewl

Face it. Being a Dad doesn’t usually bring a lot of “cool factor” with it. It’s not easy to look cutting edge driving mini-vans, pushing strollers and spending Saturday’s at Lowe’s shopping for tile.  More times than not, dads just look plain nerdy. Wear that badge with honor! Let’s celebrate the faithful husband and dedicated father as the true heroes they are.
1. It Takes A Real Man
   Any fool can roll with a Mercedes. Cruise a ‘69 Camaro. It takes a real man to rock a 2006 Dodge Caravan. Sleek power sliding doors. Built-in DVD pumping Sponge Bob as he tears up the road. Fold-down seats and just enough room to haul the nine foot Christmas tree. McDonald’s fries in every crevice and the remains of an old 7-11 slurpee in the back. All traces of manhood wiped clean.  Dad could drive a sports car that drives the ladies wild and makes the other men want to be like him. But how Dad rolls is seeing that his family is happy, comfortable and secure.
   
2. The Cover of GQ
   Once upon a time, Dad used to get his hair styled. Not cut. It was full and thick, and always up with the latest trend. His hair was proud like the lion that he was. Now Supercuts has replaced the young and pretty hair stylist. He treats himself by getting the shampoo along with the $10 dollar trim. His hair has thinned, but he combs it over to cover the sparseness. GQ will not be calling him for its next cover. But to his wife and family, he’s the most handsome man on the planet.
   
3. Making It Rain
   Who’s your Daddy? That’s right. Who makes the green come raining down? Dad - that’s who. When his twelve year old daughter has grown out of every shoe she has in three months, Dad is there to the rescue. Payless baby. “Hook her up,” he tells the sales person. When his boy has lost his retainer, his cleats and needs tutoring in science, Dad pulls out his overstuffed (with receipts) wallet. Don’t forget Mama. Anniversary time? The diamond heart necklace at Zale’s will be dangling from her beautiful neck. Dad works hard to make it rain on his family every time they need him.
   
   Read more at AllProDad
   
   
   

10 Ways To Teach Your Children To Overcome Obstacles

Life can be well described as an obstacle course, with impediments that get re-arranged every time we start a new day. This fact is one of the elements that makes for rich experience, not only in our careers, but also in our personal lives.

Unfortunately, many children learn too early that obstacles are either there for someone else to deal with, or simply not worth the trouble. Consequently, too many young people leave school and enter the workplace without a good grasp on the possible.

The obstacles are not going away, and our children need to understand the art of the possible. We have this great opportunity to be involved in preparing young people to live complete and fulfilling lives. A huge part of this happens to be the question, “How can I teach my child to overcome obstacles?”

All Pro Dad has a few ideas to help get the ball rolling;

1. Be a role model: Kids learn most of what they know about problem solving by watching their parents deal with difficulty. So demonstrate the deep satisfaction that comes with negotiating a challenge.

 Read more at AllProDad

To Serve Is to Suffer
by Ajith Fernando
 

If the apostle Paul knew fatigue, anger, and anxiety in his ministry, what makes us think we can avoid them in ours?

Paul's theology emphasized the need to endure frustration patiently as we live in a fallen world awaiting the redemption of creation. Paul said that we groan because of this frustration (Rom. 8:18-27). I believe we fail to include this frustration in our understanding of vocational fulfillment. A church that has a wrong understanding of fulfillment for its workers will certainly become sick. This may be one reason why the church contains so much shallowness. We have measured success by the standards of the world and fail to challenge the world with the radically different biblical way to fulfillment.

The contemporary emphasis on efficiency and measurable results makes frustration even harder to endure. In the past four centuries, industrial and technological development in the West made efficiency and productivity top values. With rapid economic development, things once considered luxuries became not only necessities but also rights in the minds even of Christians. In this environment, the Christian idea of commitment has taken a battering.

We call our churches and Christian organizations "families," but families are very inefficient organizations. In a healthy family, everything stops when a member has big needs. We are often not willing to extend this commitment to Christian body life.

Read more at ChristianityToday GobalConversation

Management Tip: Tendencies of bad bosses
http://bworldonline.com/main/content.php?id=15428

BOSTON -- Being the boss is hard, especially when you need to counter the natural tendencies that separate you from the people you manage. 

Knowing what these propensities are can help you avoid them. Here are the top three to watch out for:

1. Self-deluding. This isn’t just a problem with bosses; the majority of people estimate their skills to be higher than they are in reality. Be aware that you might be self-aggrandizing and find ways to get input and evaluations that show you what your true skills are.

2. Heedless of subordinates. Those in positions of power are watched carefully by those under them. But that level of attention is not reciprocated. When you become the head honcho, don’t forget to remain curious about and engaged with your direct reports.

3. Insulated from reality. No one wants to deliver bad news to the boss, so the boss often doesn’t know the full story. Create a culture in which the messenger isn’t shot, but lauded for bringing important information forward.

Today’s Management Tip was adapted from “Some Bosses Live in a Fool’s Paradise” by Robert I. Sutton. The Management Tip offers quick, practical management tips and ideas from Harvard Business Review and HBR.org. Any opinions expressed are not endorsed by Reuters.

Leading a Church in Prayer ...

... deserves thoughtful preparation.

Kevin DeYoung | posted 7/19/2010

 

Some traditions use set prayers. Others rely on extemporaneous prayers. Both have their place. But I believe what our congregations need most are studied prayers, well prepared, well expressed. These prayers may or may not be read, but will be thought through ahead of time. Publicly leading a church in prayer deserves thoughtful preparation.

2. Pray Scripture. Don't just ask God for what we want. Let him teach us what we should want.

 

4. Leave the preaching for the sermon. Don't exhort. Don't explain texts. Don't unpack complex theology. Spurgeon again: "Long prayers either consist of repetitions, or else of unnecessary explanations which God does not require; or else they degenerate into downright preachings, so that there is no difference between the praying and the preaching, except that in the one the minister has his eyes shut, and in the other he keeps them open. It is not necessary in prayer to rehearse the Westminster Assembly's Catechism."

6. Pray so that others can follow you easily. The goal is edification (1 Cor. 14:17). So don't let your sentences get too long, too flowery, too ornate. If you write out your prayers, write for the ear not for the eye. On the other hand, don't use distracting colloquialisms like, "Lord, you're so sweet."

 

 Read more at LeadershipJournet.net

A Lifelong Journey with Islam
by Chawkat Moucarry

From childhood, I've been learning about—and witnessing to—Muslims.

How should Christians who have a passion for evangelization relate to Islam? For North Americans, the question took on new urgency in the wake of September 11. But Christians in Muslim-majority societies have dealt with the question far longer. Growing up Christian in Syria gave Chawkat Moucarry many opportunities to interact with Muslims and learn about Islam. In this installment of the Global Conversation, World Vision International's director of interfaith relations describes his commitment to both dialogue and mission.

I have never understood why some people look at dialogue and mission in either-or terms. In my experience, these words belong so much to each other that they should never be divorced. Evangelical Christians (whose theology I share) have shown an unwarranted suspicion of dialogue, simply because some have used it as a substitute for mission. Not only are the two words compatible, but they must shape each other.

I have always believed in God and Jesus Christ. Growing up in a Muslim-majority society, I knew as a child that I was different, and I gradually realized that this difference implied that I had something precious to share with my Muslim friends.

Read more at ChristianityToday

10 Ways to be Your Child’s Hero

1. You are their Superman
   Every child needs to feel secure. As their Dad, they look to you to provide that feeling at all times. When those little eyes look up at you, they see Superman. Live up to the hype.
   
   
2. Open your heart
   In society, men are expected to be strong. This is a good thing. However with your children, open all of yourself to them. Show them compassion, sympathy and forgiveness. They will, in turn, do the same with their kids when they grow up.
   
   
3. Love and respect your wife
   Your children will learn how men should behave from you. Treat your wife with gentle care and the utmost respect. You can’t love your wife perfectly, but your kids should never doubt your love for her. If your children are raised in a loving marriage, they have a great model for future relationships.

Read more at AllProDad

Review: Linux Mint 9 Isadora
http://cristalinux.blogspot.com/

Linux Mint 9 (codenamed Isadora) was released just two days ago, on May 18th. You can read the official ANNOUCEMENT from their site, which explains what the main changes/improvements are, as well as highlighting the most notable new features.

To begin with, I want to stress that Linux Mint 9 is derived from Ubuntu 10.04 Lucid Lynx. As a result, it gets the best from the latest Ubuntu improvements, but also suffers from its shortcomings. This is something to keep in mind before installing Linux Mint 9 and something I have also taken into account when putting together this review. In other words, I won't go into those issues explicitly, but I recommend reading the full LIST OF KNOWN ISSUES, which is part of the Ubuntu 10.04 Release Notes.

The good news is that Isadora makes up for many of Ubuntu's mishaps while keeping the best of its strengths very much alive. Before you start reading the review, though, make sure you are ready for a healthy overdose of GREEN!

Read more at The Linux Experience

Gospel Intimacy in a Godly Marriage: an interview with Alan Dunn

In Reformed Baptist Fellowship on Thursday, January 14, 2010 at 11:59 am

Alan Dunn is a good friend, and one of the pastors of the Grace Covenant Baptist Church, Flemington, New Jersey, and has been since the church’s inception in 1985.  He is married to Patricia, and they have three sons and one daughter.  He has recently authored the book Gospel Intimacy in a Godly Marriage: A Pursuit of Godly Romance (Pillar & Ground Publications).  He has previously written a book on masculinity and femininity called Headship in Marriage: In Light of Creation and the Fall.

Gospel intimacy . . . hmmm.  To borrow a phrase: “Is this a kissing book?”

 No, and yes.  It is a “wuv, twue wuv” book.  I use the term “intimacy” to speak of the all-inclusive nature of the one-flesh relationship.  Marital intimacy entails a profound knitting of soul.  As we pursue soul intimacy with our spouse, we will inevitably foster physical intimacy as both kinds of intimacy feed into each other.  The book focuses on relational intimacy.  However, sexual intimacy, which is integral to marriage, will emerge from a wholesome relational intimacy.  If you’re asking, “Is this a book about sex?” I would say, “Yes, but it will improve that area of a relationship only as a result of cultivating a deeper intimacy of soul.”

Thank you for the explanation.  That being so, please can you give us a précis of the book?  What can we expect to find?

I’ve attempted to look at marriage in the light of who we are as men and women created in the image of God and as those redeemed by Christ and indwelt by His Spirit.  I consider marriage against the backdrop of the Bible’s large emphases on God, Creation, the Fall, and Redemption.  After I define the couple in terms of creation and redemption, I then consider the greatest challenge to marital intimacy: our sin.  Only the gospel can address the threat that sin poses to our marital intimacy, so we need to learn how to give each other “gospel love.”  We face other challenges to intimacy as well, such as who will take the lead, how to overcome our innate selfishness, how to cultivate wholesome communication patterns, and how to grow more intimate as we age and face the prospect of death.

Read more at Reformed Baptist Fellowship

Reinventing Date Night
By: Tara Parker-Pope in the New York Times


Long-married couples often schedule a weekly "date night" — a regular evening out with friends or at a favorite restaurant to strengthen their marital bond.

But brain and behavior researchers say many couples are going about date night all wrong. Simply spending quality time together is probably not enough to prevent a relationship from getting stale.

Using laboratory studies, real-world experiments and even brain-scan data, scientists can now offer long-married couples a simple prescription for rekindling the romantic love that brought them together in the first place. The solution? Reinventing date night.

Rather than visiting the same familiar haunts and dining with the same old friends, couples need to tailor their date nights around new and different activities that they both enjoy, says Arthur Aron, a professor of social psychology at the State University of New York at Stony Brook. The goal is to find ways to keep injecting novelty into the relationship. The activity can be as simple as trying a new restaurant or something a little more unusual or thrilling — like taking an art class or going to an amusement park.

The theory is based on brain science. New experiences activate the brain's reward system, flooding it with dopamine and norepinephrine. These are the same brain circuits that are ignited in early romantic love, a time of exhilaration and obsessive thoughts about a new partner. (They are also the brain chemicals involved in drug addiction and obsessive-compulsive disorder.)

Read more at AllProDad.com

3 Tips To Enhance Your Interview Audio With Audacity

by Ryan Dube on May. 6th, 2010

I use the Audacity audio recording software to record and edit all of my interviews. My recording setup is about as simple as it gets – an Olympic earpiece that doubles as both a microphone and an earphone, so that I can hear the person on the phone while the microphone feeds the conversation into the laptop and Audacity. This works well, and produces high quality conversations, but like anything, there are flaws in the setup that produce less than optimum conditions.

The beauty of Audacity is that you have the capability to “fix” those flaws. The three most common problems that I’m going to touch on in this post are removing background noise, amplifying voices, and integrating quality introduction with music.

Read more at MakeUseOf.com

A Summary of the Gospel  
from Jeremiah Burroughs
http://www.ligonier.org/blog/summary-gospel/

The gospel of Christ is the good tidings that God has revealed concerning Christ. As all mankind was lost in Adam and became the children of wrath, put under the sentence of death, God, though He left His fallen angels and has reserved them in the chains of eternal darkness, yet He has thought upon the children of men and has provided a way of atonement to reconcile them to Himself again.

The second Person in the Trinity takes man’s nature upon Himself, and becomes the Head of a second covenant, standing charged with sin. He answers for it by suffering what the law and divine justice required, and by making satisfaction for keeping the law perfectly. This satisfaction and righteousness He tenders up to the Father as a sweet savor of rest for the souls that are given to Him.

And now this mediation of Christ is, by the appointment of the Father, preached to the children of men, of whatever nation or rank, freely offering this atonement unto sinners for atonement, requiring them to believe in Him and, upon believing, promising not only a discharge of all their former sins, but that they shall not enter into condemnation, that none of their sins or unworthiness shall ever hinder the peace of God with them, but that they shall through Him be received into the number of those who shall have the image of God again to be renewed unto them, and that they shall be kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation.

That these souls and bodies shall be raised to that height of glory that such creatures are capable of, that they shall live forever enjoying the presence of God and Christ, in the fullness of all good, is the gospel of Christ. This is the sum of the gospel that is preached unto sinners.

From Gospel Conversation (1657) and reprinted by Soli Deo Gloria. 

The Tension Over Doing It All
Why are women more unhappy than ever?
Halee Scott

I began with the best intentions. A few weekends ago, while my husband was working out-of-town, I planned to work at least 10 hours on my dissertation, crank out a 1,500-word article plus two blog posts, prep for some upcoming interviews, dissect a single chapter of John Paul's Theology of the Body with a friend, and finally read (and write a book review of) three other books in preparation for an upcoming speaking engagement. While this schedule may seem crazy and chaotic to some, for me this break-necked speed felt normal until just a little less than a year ago. Anything less and I felt unaccomplished and downright bored.

Enter my daughter, Little Miss Marathon, who, on her very best days, slept three to four hours straight and ate only the minimum required for her age. For the past six months (i.e. her whole life), we'd been trying to figure out ways to get her to sleep and eat—but it seemed that all she wanted to do was go, go, go. Her energy levels made even me feel like a century-old centipede. And all this came to a roaring head that particular weekend.

After 24 hours of my baby screaming, not sleeping, and fighting food at every turn, I finally decided to step back, relax, and let her decide how much she was going to eat and when. By Sunday, she was a new baby—both her eating and sleeping had regulated themselves into a more normal pattern. On one hand, I felt successful in my role as a mother because my baby was now comfortable and content; in another sense, I felt like a failure for not doing every single thing on my to-do list.

Read more at Kyria

10 Things to do to Help Your Marriage Feel Less Stressed

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.” - The Serenity Prayer, attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr

Stress is fingered for a lot of health issues in America, among them heart disease, depression, hair loss, obesity, sexual dysfunction, ulcers and hypertension. Possibly its biggest negative impact, though, is felt in marriages where stress can cause interpersonal tension and dysfunctional relationships.

But there is good news! A lot of the stress we experience in marriage is avoidable - if only we understand what’s going on. Here are 10 things we can do to reduce the amount of stress in marriage:

1. Always put your spouse first: This is a HUGE principle and key to reducing relationship stress. Ideally, husband and wife both put the other first. But the only aspect you can control is you.

Read more at All Pro Dad

Good to Great to Godly

Corporate wisdom means "getting the right people on the bus," but spiritual leadership requires something more.

Mike Bonem | posted 4/05/2010

 

"We need more structure in our decision making. Without that discipline, we'll never accomplish anything."

"We're a church, not a business. We need to rely on God. We can't operate like the corporate world."

Ever been on one side or the other of this argument? Or perhaps in the middle? The tensions are present in most churches in America today. As corporate "best practices" are applied to church life, church leaders struggle to make sense of it all.

When I worked in business, Built to Last by Jim Collins and Jerry Porras was one of a handful of keep-at-my-fingertips references. It identified factors that enabled organizations to achieve superior performance over the long haul. So it was with great anticipation that I went to a Leadership Network event where Collins was to speak. In his presentation, he described the research findings that led to his second book, Good to Great. He emphasized the importance of getting "the right people on the bus and the wrong people off the bus." Collins discovered that strategic direction was less important than having the right leadership team. If you have the right people, they will help define the future direction of the organization. If they're in the wrong positions but have great potential and fit well, you can move them to a "different seat on the bus." But when someone is wrong for the organization, whether due to personality clashes or lack of ability, hanging onto that person can drag the entire enterprise down. Collins concluded that we should focus on senior staff as a top priority.

I nodded my head in agreement. Even though my job was in the marketplace at the time, I was also consulting with churches on pastoral leadership issues. I knew the tendency of many churches to make excuses rather than confront underperforming staff members. I remember thinking, Wouldn't the church be much more effective for the Kingdom if we got the wrong people off the bus?

Little did I know that within a year I would join a church staff and gain first-hand opportunities to test this and other business principles as a church leader. I did not foresee the challenges I would encounter.

 

Read more at LeadershipJournal.net